This is Simply Not Happening To Me, I’m Far Too Young
So my son turns thirteen next week and it’s kind of a big deal. So of course his teacher sends home a paper asking for my child’s email address and I realize, he’s now old enough to actually have one. I reluctantly set it up for him today and wanted his first email to be from me.
Here’s what I sent him:
Welcome to the world of email. Let me just say that I am happy you’re here however, like in real life, email has some ground rules.
- If you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it online.
- I have to know your password and will check your email often.
- If you don’t know the person in real life than you don’t talk to them online.
- Any email that promises that you won something, will make anything magically grow, or has found your long lost relative is spam – do not open it!
- You are not to email anyone pictures of yourself for any reason whatsoever. If I catch this you’ve lost the privilege.
- You’re now entering a very grown up world and while I trust you completely, I don’t trust other people. If you hear my voice in your head telling you something is wrong, it’s wrong.
- If anyone asks you for your name, phone number, school name, or address you must tell me RIGHT away!
- I love you and can’t believe you’ve gotten this old already. It’s sickening because the older you get the older I’m getting and that’s simply not fair.
- Email me back because I’m a loser with no friends.
Your Crazy Mother