This is Simply Not Happening To Me, I’m Far Too Young



So my son turns thirteen next week and it’s kind of a big deal.  So of course his teacher sends home a paper asking for my child’s email address and I realize, he’s now old enough to actually have one.  I reluctantly set it up for him today and wanted his first email to be from me.

Here’s what I sent him:

Welcome to the world of email.  Let me just say that I am happy you’re here however, like in real life, email has some ground rules.

  1. If you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it online.
  2. I have to know your password and will check your email often.
  3. If you don’t know the person in real life than you don’t talk to them online.
  4. Any email that promises that you won something, will make anything magically grow, or has found your long lost relative is spam – do not open it!
  5. You are not to email anyone pictures of yourself for any reason whatsoever.  If I catch this you’ve lost the privilege.
  6. You’re now entering a very grown up world and while I trust you completely, I don’t trust other people.  If you hear my voice in your head telling you something is wrong, it’s wrong.
  7. If anyone asks you for your name, phone number, school name, or address you must tell me RIGHT away!
  8. I love you and can’t believe you’ve gotten this old already.  It’s sickening because the older you get the older I’m getting and that’s simply not fair.
  9. Email me back because I’m a loser with no friends. *:D big grin


Your Crazy Mother




  1. Those sound like sensible ground rules. It seems weird to think of someone as being “old enough” for an email, because when I was that age we didn’t have internet (in our house anyway) so the concept of being old enough for email never quite clicked. In fact I think I had a mobile phone before I had an email address, come to think of it.

    Might want to add to number 7, don’t give that information.

    • He’s a digital native so he actually knows online etiquette quite well, just trying to reinforce.

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