Dear Speaker Phone User


If you have not guessed by reading my blog than I will come right out with it, I am not a lover of technology.  It is my belief that the more technology we own the more technology owns us.  It complicates life far too much and I don’t need anymore drama.  While I do spend a considerable amount of time on my computer, that is about as far as I take it.  I don’t have an iPad, eReader, or any other device.  I have never purchased an ap and I don’t even know how to do so.  I have a very basic cell phone that I very rarely use.  I send an average of four texts a month and that is a high estimate.  I have never used my phone to take pictures and I wouldn’t know how to get them from my phone to computer if I did.  It just seems pointless.  This is more than a confession, though, it is a rant and for that I apologize in advance.

Every single afternoon I load up my arms with my books, a pen, my journal, and some snacks.  I make the five minute drive to my son’s school and I sit for an hour waiting for him to come out.  This is my ritual and despite how dull it may sound, I adore it.  Typically I enjoy this time well enough.  It is quiet and peaceful.  For one hour each and every day I have no worries and the time is totally my own.  So I am more than a little perturbed when this time is interrupted.  Yesterday my joyful silence was being interrupted by the technology use of another.  I believe that the single most obnoxious technology ever invented is speaker phone.

I sat in line for forty-five of my sixty minutes listening to the entire conversation of the lady sitting in front of me.  I now feel a deep and serious connection to the woman she was on the phone with.  I now know that her friend is deeply bothered by her daughter not attending church, apparently Jesus is personally offended by this.  I am well aware of the kidney infection of her husband and all of the gross side effects he is currently suffering.  I went on a lovely little adventure in cleaning up dog poop off her living room floor with her.  Her son is apparently impotent and she is seriously mourning the loss of grandchildren she does not have.  It was however when she started discussing the vaginal discomfort of her recent urinary tract infection that I decided enough was enough.  That was more information than I have ever had a desire to know about another human being.  I rolled up the window and drowned out their incessant chatter with some Flogging Molly.

So here is my humble plea to all tech users out there.  If you have decided to use speaker phone, please be courteous to those around you.  Realize that we can hear your conversation and that sometimes it is more information than we want to hear.  Please talk on your phone with it to your ear or have the common courtesy to keep it private.  While I am sure these issues are very pressing to your friend, I doubt she would be pleased to know that I am now aware of them.  Not only am I aware of them but I am sharing them online.  I am sure that your friend is a lovely woman but I don’t really care to know any of the above mentioned issues she’s having.  I don’t know you and yet I am weeping for your children.  Please turn off the speaker phone and write a letter, let me have the silence I so covet.


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